And now, the more than friends side. Getting beyond friends takes a lot to achieve with me, despite being pretty easy to get along with. I am NOT the guy trying to bag a nightly rando… you can keep it. Also, I’m not jumping through a million hoops and/or deciphering a thousand mixed signals, only to end up in a place where I get to experience more of both all because it’s someone’s favorite game to play. It’s boring, exhausting, and a waste of time. However, if you are a sane, rational, adult female, with your head on straight… HELLO, how you doin’?
To begin with, here’s the “need to know.”
I’m 5’11”, somewhere between 185 and 195 depending on the season, brown hair (with 5% “distinguished” gray), brown eyes, and legs that apparently get more compliments than the rest of me combined. I run a 10K every day (not total daily steps, closer to 20k), mix in light aerobic work, biking, and occasional weight training, with most people guessing my age to be in my 30’s or 40’s. I am not a bodybuilder because if I want to eat, I’m going to eat… and I like chocolate.
I occasionally throw on glasses, not because I want to look smart — but because I need to see things like menus or tiny shampoo labels. My haircut is a high fade, my beard (if I have one) is more “Tyler Durden” than anything lumberjack, and I keep everything clean, organized, and intentional — including my health.
Shared and Unshared Interests: If you like to dance, be outside, laugh, travel, and just experience life, we will probably get along pretty well. I am an avid traveller, love to learn new things, and am pretty accommodating when it comes to things you’d like to do that I’ve never tried or don’t have much experience in. So, bring your own likes and bucket list, I’m pretty flexible.
My Style
I like quality over quantity. True Religion jeans, well-fitted shirts, soft T-shirts, indoor soccer shoes, running shoes, and a few jackets for weather, and for professionalism or “I need to look like I have a plan” moments, suits and sport coats. I have more shoes than some women, to include five pairs of shoes/boots specifically for dancing. No tattoos, no gauges, no missing pieces — just a guy with a couple of small scars and a lot of stories.
Mr. Prepared
If you ever need a wet wipe, phone charger, flashlight, mints, blanket, pen, pocketknife, scissors, glasses cleaner, battery bank, or a small first-aid kit… good news: I usually have all of that within reach. My backpack is basically a mobile life-management unit.
My vehicles? Same story. Jumper cables, tire inflators (plug-in and rechargeable because I don’t trust a single option), tools, radar detector, dash cam, WiFi, navigation, a dealer-installed safe, and more. However, the Lamborghini has considerably less than my Raptor.
Some call it “a little overboard.” I call it being considerate in advance.
Where I’ve Lived & Where I’ve Been
I’ve lived in more states than most people have visited and been deployed or traveled across the world — Europe, Asia, the Middle East, South America, even the Caribbean. The world has shaped me, tested me, and sharpened me… but it didn’t harden me.
My Love Languages
I give love through Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
If you have errands, I’m doing them. I’ll buying your time with a little of mine, so you can come straight home. If you’re sick, Airborne and chicken noodle soup are on the way. I’m the guy who automatically takes the street side of the sidewalk, gets every door without thinking about it, your money is for you not us, and you can have the window seat.
I receive love through Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.
It’s not neediness — it’s reassurance. I’ve been through infidelity and emotional neglect, and while I’ve healed, I’m honest enough to say that sometimes: Monkey needs a hug (Black Mirror reference.)
My Mindset & My Scars
War leaves marks — some physical, some permanent, some invisible. I’m hyper-aware of my environment, even when I look relaxed. My brain runs a silent background subroutine assessing people, threats, energy… constantly. It doesn’t stop me from having an amazing time — but it does mean I occasionally need an emotional reset.
I’ve been hurt in relationships. Cheated on. Lied to. Physically abused by a wife that I never struck back. I try not to bleed on people who didn’t cut me, but I’m human enough to admit my history shaped me. People have tried to kill me, have shot me, blown me up, hit me with a brick (all war injuries) so I’m a little internally guarded around new people.
I thrive with a patient partner — a teammate who jumps into the “us vs the problem” mindset rather than letting me spiral into frustration alone.
What I Do
I’m an entrepreneur at heart. I build things, create things, and think in systems. I’m a day trader with a simple, well-managed strategy that takes about 15 minutes a night and light maintenance during trading hours. I’ve been in the military, a pilot, a drone pilot, a search-and-rescue pilot, an aerial videographer, and more — but there are some details I care not to share publicly.
My Favorites
Movies: Top Gun, The Matrix, Dirty Dancing, Minions (no shame), Madagascar Trilogy, Black Mirror, SAW (also no shame), Avengers: Infinity/Endgame, Secret Life of Pets, Horrible Bosses.
Foods: Mexican, Italian, American.
Drinks: Corona Premier, Modelo, vodka-pineapple, Disaronno with cherries, Blue Hawaiians (because I want to blame the alcohol, not taste it).
Music: 80s, 90s, country, rock, dance.
My Pros & Cons
Top Pros:
Selfless, thoughtful, clean, organized, funny, detail-oriented, daring, kind, clean background and security clearance, bucket-list friendly, and stable.
Top Cons:
Emotional at times, occasional aches/pains, methodical to a fault, jaded in society, and sometimes I want to hide under a blanket and binge-watch for 48 hours. I have tinnitus and pulsatile tinnitus, so it tests my patience at times, and sometimes, I have to have some background noise (TV, radio, anything.)
What Our Relationship Looks Like
What I Bring
The magic. The “how the fuck is this guy single” style magic. I have a massage table because I like giving them, when we get to that place. Before then, I’m flowers on the second date with a prepared picnic to include music, or something clever and entirely prepared and thought out… just to let you know how much I appreciate you and want you to be happy/pampered. You’ll not open a door, car or otherwise, ever, unless you can somehow magically out sprint me to the door. I’m on the street side, so if someone gets clipped by a car mirror, it’s me, not you. You’re carried over puddles if we can’t get around. Your time is bought with mine, and I’m volunteering to pick up the dry cleaning, so you can just come home to me… where dinner is ready and I made you either a margarita or glass of wine. Winding down to a cuddle on the couch, with a foot rub, and some adult time is the desired end state, then headed to sleep.
Expectations
The single most valuable thing you can give me is your loyalty. That doesn’t mean that I’m possessive, because those that know me, I have some flexible aspects that can be fun, but still require loyalty. You should be patient, loving, like touch, be clean, drug free, disease free, love to laugh, love to flirt, be outside, travel, and more. You should understand that I am a veteran of two wars, have participated in active ground combat more times than I can count, and sometimes get a little sad around anniversaries of friends that have passed.
Deal Breakers
A Filter That Will Annoy the Right People (And That’s Okay)
This will probably irritate the right people—meaning the ones I’m not romantically compatible with anyway. I’m not trying to be offensive… but I also won’t apologize for having standards. If that makes me “too much,” then congrats: we’ve saved each other time, energy, and at least three awkward text conversations.
The Non-Negotiables (a.k.a. “My Peace Is Expensive”)
If any of the following apply, we’re not a match:
Addictions (cigarettes, drugs, weed), DUIs, abuse, felonies, lawsuits (as a defendant), permanent STDs (I do not count HSV-1 as a dealbreaker since a large portion of humans have it and I don’t personally view it the same way), no recent STD testing, extreme financial instability, extreme political views (left or right), cruelty to animals, chronically unhealthy lifestyles, excessive social media fixation, device/attention addiction, and anything “risky” in the adult realm that isn’t a well-considered, safely orchestrated, mutually agreed-upon bucket list item.
I’m not judging you as a human being. I’m just choosing what I allow in my life. Huge difference.
Behavior: Adult Required
You can skip the next several paragraphs (pretty much everything beyond this box) by simply accepting that I don’t tolerate a lot of bullshit, double standards, or immaturity. Everyone has a bad day, bad week, affecting their mood and emotional stability, and that’s understandable. That’s not what I’m talking about, but instead calculated, deliberate fuckery without accountability (even retroactively) and an attempt to make it right. If a woman spelled out her standards for behavior and what she’s prepared to tolerate (and what she’s not) guys are just expected to deal with it; so, consider into your calculations that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, prior to passing judgment, calling me bitter or cynical, or damaged goods.
I don’t “need” someone, I want someone. Theres a massive difference.
I have an extremely low tolerance for nonsense, inappropriate behavior, and grown adults acting like they were raised by Wi-Fi and chaos.
If someone takes low-brow jabs at my single status, my vehicular choice(s) as a compensatory measure, or anything else that signals a lack of maturity and basic social skills, I don’t argue. I don’t spiral. I don’t throw insults back.
I simply exit—quietly and permanently.
Yes, longevity can earn more grace (time invested in the relationship,) and provoke a response with the goal of conflict resolution, but grace is not unlimited, and neither is my patience. I am growing more patient with age, but I still have a stopping point.
For example: I’ve had a situation where I repeatedly didn’t respond to someone’s flirtation attempts (because I wasn’t interested romantically). That didn’t go over well. Instead of accepting the obvious hints of “not interested” after a few conversations in a group setting, she escalated into insults and accusations in text messages—calling me probably gay, rude, probably “micro,” while possessing none of the knowledge required to reach those conclusions, other than trying to guess why I’m single.
My response was basically: “Those comments aren’t appropriate.” In the end, accountability for her actions did not arrive, and after multiple chances for her to act like the the 40+ year old adult she was, I ended the brief interaction, and by brief I mean maybe an hour total ever spent talking to this woman.
Immaturity—especially in how you treat another human being—is a dealbreaker for me. Jokes are fine. Disrespect isn’t.
I have this on my own wall at home, as a reminder…
“
Be loving.Be polite.Be nice. Just try not to be a cunt today.”
As if I haven’t pissed people off enough, here’s more. This part won’t win me popularity points. That’s fine. It’s not meant to.
- Testing: I could write a book on this. I prefer someone be tested for HSV-2, but it’s case by case if not. Since my divorce, I have required testing for anyone I’ve gone out with beyond a few dates. 1 in 3 women in America have genital herpes (HSV-2), and 1 in 9 males. The reason for the disparity is probably because women have a “host environment” that is hospitable for viruses to thrive, while men dry up before the virus can latch on. Long story short, over a three-year period, I asked 6 to get tested that I had dated for a couple of weeks and thought about progressing to intimacy. Unfortunately, 5 were positive for genital herpes and claim to have not known, including one doctor, two nurses, and a lawyer. Furthermore, and returning to my aforementioned statement regarding personal accountability, every single one of them blamed a cheating ex, and not one of them said, “well, I had a phase and was a little risky.” Also, plot twist… condoms do not stop the spread of herpes. Herpes is everywhere the condom ISN’T, such as all the skin slamming together. So, yes, I prefer testing but I obviously can’t make someone do it, and some people may have never shown a single symptoms, so it’s a case by case basis for the untested. If you’re curious about the one clean one, surprise… she was a cam girl.
- Lifestyle: You should not smoke (vape doesn’t bother me, they’re your lungs), drink excessively, do ANY sort of drug (marijuana is a MAYBE, but I’d prefer not to smell it) other than prescription medications that are yours. Also, I’d prefer that you not have a lot of allergies to pets because I like to volunteer, foster animals, and have animals of my own as pets, and they are a very important part of my life.
- Responsibility: You should have either a job that pays your bills, gig work that pays your bills, or self employed and established with income that can, yes… pay your bills. I have encountered a lot of women in the last few years that work, make money, yet do not pay their own bills. Being someone’s sugar baby is not “responsibility” and I’m not interested.
- Accountability: Admit when you’re wrong, tell me when I’m wrong and demonstrate why, then let’s fix whatever was wrong and move beyond it. If I’m going to be in a relationship, it must be in one where accountability exists; if you drop the ball, own it, and I’ll do the same. Let’s address it calmly before resentment sets in and it snowballs, and NEVER go to bed angry with one another.