And now, the more than friends side. Getting beyond friends takes a lot to achieve with me, despite being pretty easy to get along with. I am NOT the guy trying to bag a nightly rando… you can keep it. Also, I’m not jumping through a million hoops and/or deciphering a thousand mixed signals, only to end up in a place where I get to experience more of both all because it’s someone’s favorite game to play. It’s boring, exhausting, and a waste of time. However, if you are a sane, rational, adult female, with your head on straight… HELLO, how you doin’?
To begin with, here’s the “need to know.”
I’m 5’11”, somewhere between 185 and 195 depending on the season, brown hair (with 5% “distinguished” gray), brown eyes, and legs that apparently get more compliments than the rest of me combined. I range 10K every day (either walk, run or both) during a workout (not total daily steps, closer to 20k), mix in light aerobic work, biking, and occasional weight training, with most people guessing my age to be in my 30’s or 40’s. I am not a bodybuilder, and I net zero everyday (caloric burn = caloric intake) because if I want to eat, I’m going to eat… and I like chocolate.
I occasionally throw on glasses, not because I want to look smart — but because I need to see things like menus or tiny shampoo labels. My haircut is a high fade, my beard is more “Tyler Durden” than anything lumberjack, and I keep everything clean, organized, and intentional — including my health.
Shared and Unshared Interests: If you like to dance, be outside, laugh, travel, and just experience life, we will probably get along pretty well. I am an avid traveller, love to learn new things, and am pretty accommodating when it comes to things you’d like to do that I’ve never tried or don’t have much experience in. So, bring your own likes and bucket list, I’m pretty flexible.
My Style
I like quality over quantity. True Religion jeans, well-fitted shirts, soft T-shirts, indoor soccer shoes, running shoes, and a few jackets for weather, and for professionalism or “I need to look like I have a plan” moments, suits and sport coats. I have more shoes than some women, to include five pairs of shoes/boots specifically for dancing. No tattoos, no gauges, no missing pieces — just a guy with a couple of small scars and a lot of stories.
Mr. Prepared
If you ever need a wet wipe, phone charger, flashlight, mints, blanket, pen, pocketknife, scissors, glasses cleaner, battery bank, or a small first-aid kit… good news: I usually have all of that within reach. My backpack is basically a mobile life-management unit.
My vehicles? Same story. Jumper cables, tire inflators (plug-in and rechargeable because I don’t trust a single option), tools, radar detector, dash cam, WiFi, navigation, a dealer-installed safe, and more. However, the Lamborghini has considerably less than my Raptor.
Some call it “a little overboard.” I call it being considerate in advance.
Where I’ve Lived & Where I’ve Been
I’ve lived in more states than most people have visited and been deployed or traveled across the world — Europe, Asia, the Middle East, South America, even the Caribbean. The world has shaped me, tested me, and sharpened me… but it didn’t harden me.
My Love Languages
I give love through Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
If you have errands, I’m doing them. I’ll buying your time with a little of mine, so you can come straight home. If you’re sick, Airborne and chicken noodle soup are on the way. I’m the guy who automatically takes the street side of the sidewalk, gets every door without thinking about it, your money is for you not us, and you can have the window seat.
I receive love through Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.
It’s not neediness — it’s reassurance. I’ve been through infidelity and emotional neglect, and while I’ve healed, I’m honest enough to say that sometimes: Monkey needs a hug (Black Mirror reference.)
My Mindset & My Scars
War leaves marks — some physical, some permanent, some invisible. I’m hyper-aware of my environment, even when I look relaxed. My brain runs a silent background subroutine assessing people, threats, energy… constantly. It doesn’t stop me from having an amazing time — but it does mean I occasionally need an emotional reset.
I’ve been hurt in relationships. Cheated on. Lied to. Physically abused by a wife that I never struck back. I try not to bleed on people who didn’t cut me, but I’m human enough to admit my history shaped me. People have tried to kill me, have shot me, blown me up, hit me with a brick (all war injuries) so I’m a little internally guarded around new people.
I thrive with a patient partner — a teammate who jumps into the “us vs the problem” mindset rather than letting me spiral into frustration alone.
What I Do
I’m an entrepreneur at heart. I build things, create things, and think in systems. I’m a day trader with a simple, well-managed strategy that takes about 15 minutes a night and light maintenance during trading hours. I’ve been in the military, a pilot, a drone pilot, a search-and-rescue pilot, an aerial videographer, and more — but there are some details I care not to share publicly.
My Favorites
Movies: Top Gun, The Matrix, Dirty Dancing, Minions (no shame), Madagascar Trilogy, Black Mirror, SAW (also no shame), Avengers: Infinity/Endgame, Secret Life of Pets, Horrible Bosses.
Foods: Mexican, Italian, American.
Drinks: Corona Premier, Modelo, vodka-pineapple, Disaronno with cherries, Blue Hawaiians (because I want to blame the alcohol, not taste it).
Music: 80s, 90s, country, rock, dance.
My Pros & Cons
Top Pros:
Selfless, thoughtful, clean, organized, funny, detail-oriented, daring, kind, clean background and security clearance, bucket-list friendly, and stable.
Top Cons:
Emotional at times, occasional aches/pains, methodical to a fault, jaded in society, and sometimes I want to hide under a blanket and binge-watch for 48 hours. I have tinnitus and pulsatile tinnitus, so it tests my patience at times, and sometimes, I have to have some background noise (TV, radio, anything.)
My Most Recent Relationships
Stephanie
This was the result of a casual group meeting that progressed. I was given ringside tickets to midget wresting and didn’t have anyone to go with. I brought this up in a group setting and she said she’d go. While a fun person in general, very emotional at times due to her unresolved emotional damage from a marriage riddled with infidelity. She needed constant reassurance, which was understandable, so I shared my location always, was always honest, and tried to fix what I didn’t break. We traveled on my dime, British Airways First Class from Vegas to London direct, explored, then took the train under the channel to Paris. We explored there but she had a meltdown about how much I spent on the trip ($30,000) for the two of us, and it affected her mood the rest of the trip, resulting in her silence the entire flight home. Almost caused a break up. The emotional instability eventually became too much, particularly if I got annoyed with something completely unrelated to her (internet going out, computer glitches, whatever,) and if I was visibly annoyed, she’d shut down and make my annoyance about her, not whatever I was dealing with. It ruined our relationship and I finally ended it after 10 months.
Katherine
This was a marriage and I had two step sons that still call and text, despite us being divorced nearly four years. We are still great friends, and she actually told me she’d be willing to give me a relationship reference. How’s that for maturity. We were honestly better as friends. She’s been a busy CEO in charge of nine different companies since I’ve known her, in the entertainment industry and had a net worth of about $30 million dollars when we met, which is up to about $75M now. I was a business owner as well and we hit it off, and honestly we should have stopped there. However, we worked well together, covered down on each other’s needs, and always made sure the boys were taken care of. We had a nanny, housekeepers, and lots support we could afford, and lived in a 10,000 sq ft home that I loved. It was the most amicable divorce I have ever seen and we still talk and text often, have healed the VERY MINOR damage to our friendship from the divorce, and are good friends that actually talk about our current relationships. She’s one of my best friends, but the spark just wasn’t there and we spent 10 years trying to ignite one… just never did. It was a peaceful dissolution, separation of property, cash, assets, investments, and the boys are still in my life.
Deal Breakers
A Filter That Will Annoy the Right People (And That’s Okay)
This will probably irritate the right people—meaning the ones I’m not romantically compatible with anyway. I’m not trying to be offensive… but I also won’t apologize for having standards. If that makes me “too much,” then congrats: we’ve saved each other time, energy, and at least three awkward text conversations.
The Non-Negotiables (a.k.a. “My Peace Is Expensive”)
If any of the following apply, we’re not a match:
Addictions (cigarettes, drugs, weed), DUIs, abuse, felonies, lawsuits (as a defendant), permanent STDs (I do not count HSV-1 as a dealbreaker since a large portion of humans have it and I don’t personally view it the same way), no recent STD testing, extreme financial instability, extreme political views (left or right), cruelty to animals, chronically unhealthy lifestyles, excessive social media fixation, device/attention addiction, and anything “risky” in the adult realm that isn’t a well-considered, safely orchestrated, mutually agreed-upon bucket list item.
I’m not judging you as a human being. I’m just choosing what I allow in my life. Huge difference.
Behavior: Adult Required
You can skip the next several paragraphs (pretty much everything beyond this box) by simply accepting that I don’t tolerate a lot of bullshit, double standards, or immaturity. Everyone has a bad day, bad week, affecting their mood and emotional stability, and that’s understandable. That’s not what I’m talking about, but instead calculated, deliberate fuckery without accountability (even retroactively) and an attempt to make it right. If a woman spelled out her standards for behavior and what she’s prepared to tolerate (and what she’s not) guys are just expected to deal with it; so, consider into your calculations that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, prior to passing judgment, calling me bitter or cynical, or damaged goods.
I don’t “need” someone, I want someone. Theres a massive difference.
I have an extremely low tolerance for nonsense, inappropriate behavior, and grown adults acting like they were raised by Wi-Fi and chaos.
If someone takes low-brow jabs at my single status, my vehicular choice(s) as a compensatory measure, or anything else that signals a lack of maturity and basic social skills, I don’t argue. I don’t spiral. I don’t throw insults back.
I simply exit—quietly and permanently.
Yes, longevity can earn more grace (time invested in the relationship,) and provoke a response with the goal of conflict resolution, but grace is not unlimited, and neither is my patience. I am growing more patient with age, but I still have a stopping point.
For example: I’ve had a situation where I repeatedly didn’t respond to someone’s flirtation attempts (because I wasn’t interested romantically). That didn’t go over well. Instead of accepting the obvious hints of “not interested” after a few conversations in a group setting, she escalated into insults and accusations in text messages—calling me gay, rude, and “micro,” while possessing none of the knowledge required to reach those conclusions, other than trying to guess why I’m single.
My response was basically: “Those comments aren’t appropriate.” In the end, accountability for her actions did not arrive, and after multiple chances for her to act like the the 40+ year old adult she was, I ended the brief interaction, and by brief I mean maybe an hour total ever spent talking to this woman.
Immaturity—especially in how you treat another human being—is a dealbreaker for me. Jokes are fine. Disrespect isn’t.
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On that note, and a nice segway, if you’re a member of that sad little social media group that posts anonymously bashing men with no oversight, accountability, verification, validation, and no true moderation (I will not breath air into it by naming it), then we are not compatible. I have never used online dating, and still haven’t to this day, because I received a warning by some of my female friends that there online man-bashing groups.
I had posted a rather long rant about something I discovered when I moved here, but I’m going to move it to another post so as not to contaminate my intent OR your interest in reading. If you’d like to explore that post, click here.
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I have this on my own wall at home, as a reminder…
“
Be loving.Be polite.Be nice. Just try not to be a cunt today.”
As if I haven’t pissed people off enough, here’s more. This part won’t win me popularity points. That’s fine. It’s not meant to.
- Testing: I could write a book on this. Since my divorce, I have required testing for anyone I’ve gone out with beyond a few dates. NO! Your “annual” does not count. That’s a five panel that DOES NOT include herpes (HSV-2) screening… yet gyno’s give the “all clear” without testing for herpes, which is contributing to the epidemic. 1 in 3 women in America have genital herpes, and 1 in 9 males. The reason for the disparity is probably because women have a “host environment” that is hospitable for viruses to thrive, while men dry up before the virus can latch on. Long story short, over a three-year period, I asked 6 to get tested that I had dated for a couple of weeks and thought about progressing to intimacy. Unfortunately, 5 were positive for genital herpes and claim to have not known, including one doctor, two nurses, and a lawyer. Furthermore, every single one of them blamed a cheating ex, and not one of them said, “well, I had a phase and was a little risky.” Also, plot twist… condoms do not stop the spread of herpes. Herpes is everywhere the condom ISN’T, such as all the skin slamming together. So, yes, mandatory testing within 30 days. If you’re curious about the one clean one, surprise… she was a cam girl.
- Lifestyle: You should not smoke (vape doesn’t bother me, they’re your lungs), drink excessively, do ANY sort of drug (no marijuana) other than prescription medications that are yours. Also, I’d prefer that you not have a lot of allergies to pets because I like to volunteer, foster animals, and have animals of my own as pets, and they are a very important part of my life.
- Responsibility: You should have either a job that pays your bills, gig work that pays your bills, or self employed and established with income that can, yes… pay your bills. I have encountered a lot of women in the last few years that work, make money, yet do not pay their own bills. Being someone’s sugar baby is not “responsibility” and I’m not interested.
- Accountability: Admit when you’re wrong, tell me when I’m wrong and demonstrate why, then let’s fix whatever was wrong and move beyond it. If I’m going to be in a relationship, it must be in one where accountability exists; if you drop the ball, own it, and I’ll do the same. Let’s address it calmly before resentment sets in and it snowballs, and NEVER go to bed angry with one another.